Lie To Me.

They told me that no matter what I did I couldn't lie to myself, "you'll always know the truth inside, you're only hurting yourself, you're just burdening your conscience." But guess what, that's all rubbish.
There was a time though, when I like you believed them. I was(as much as I'd like to deny it) more ignorant back then. Now the reality of perfection in a person is unattainable, which is a fact. But, I think that you could lie to yourself and make yourself believe otherwise, believe that you've met the perfect person.

So you meet this someone, who's clever, witty, interesting, fun, et cetera. And as the days peel off the calender, your affection towards this person grows. It seems as if this, now 'crush', can't do a thing wrong and could be said to be perfect. Now, here's where it gets messy, as your acquaintance grows and you gain access to facts about this 'perfect' being. And all that these 'facts' point to say that this person is either a bit of a slut or definitely a wannabe. But all those moments of laughter, the quiet understanding as if your soul could be heard, the sharing of your scars from the past. This is when the turmoil kicks in, do you, or do you not, let the relation slip? What if I read the facts wrong, what if he/she lets go of his/her past self to be with me, what if he/she is just fake, maybe I should just live in the moment and be happy, I'm thinking too much.

Now here's what I did, I pretended like I'd misread the facts, that I could trust my instincts, that I knew the person well enough to be sure that the person was worth having. Which leads to here, I'm writing this pretending as if I had a choice and that I chose correctly. But that would contradict what I said. It does because I'm still in turmoil pretending to be right. Which means that I very conveniently lied to myself believing what I want, and more importantly believing that I'm right, which is what I want more than anything else.